he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
As shirtless as possible
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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