Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
