That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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