one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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