im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
