so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
