Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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