college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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