My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
