There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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