well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
