just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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