i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
