After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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