just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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