Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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