So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I didn't notice because vodka
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
