Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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