that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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