everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
