there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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