so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
