Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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