my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think im going to throw up on grandma
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
