Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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