OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize