He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
