Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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