my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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