The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
