If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
