Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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