I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
