Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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