Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
