Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
