Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
