He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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