please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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