think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
