I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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