grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I looked at my own cervix.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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