Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize