i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
