She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
