Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
