Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
