my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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