btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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