If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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