Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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