we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
