i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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