well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i may or may not be watching the land before time
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
