i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
