One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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