Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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