how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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