my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
