It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
