i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
tell me about the fingering
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
