There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
