So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize