My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
