my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
