yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
